Welcome to the Dead Parent Club. If you’re reading this, then it must mean that you may have lost a parent, a grandparent, auntie, friend or you’ve fallen down a very dark rabbit hole and are now in the dead parent realm. Whatever brings you to this page, welcome. This is a club every member wants to gatekeep, we don’t want anyone to go through the pain of losing a parent as we have done, but unfortunately we don’t get the choice.

So let me introduce the club, and who we are. My name is Molly and just over4 years ago, my life changed forever. Unexpectedly, overnight, I found myself a brand new member of the dead dad club. A club I hadn’t expected to enter at 20 years old.. 

It was your usual Tuesday morning in November. I had woken up to my 6am alarm, for a day at university. Except that morning I’d turned to my boyfriend at the time and said “I really don’t feel like going in today,” so I hit snooze. An hour later I get a call from mum asking that I stay home as she’s making her way down for the day, picking up my brother on the way. Of course we were messaging eachother the entire trip down, speculating what mum might be hiding because she wouldn’t tell us until she arrived.

They both arrived, we sat on my bed, the three musketeers (as we’ve always called ourselves ever since dad left when I was 3), and mum held our hands. “Dad died this morning”. The one sentence you would NEVER expect to hear in your 20s, especially when as far as you know your dad is a healthy 43 year old man. I would go into detail about what happened in that next hour but it’s raw, it was loud, it was quiet, it was hell.

The days and weeks following were a blur, we had to make decisions as a family we never thought we’d have to make. What song do we choose? What clothes do you want to take with you? Do you want to go and say goodbye? What are you going to write in your eulogy? Are you going to get therapy? 

Throughout my journey, it’s been made so obvious to me that if I didn’t have the support of all my friends and family, I simply would not be in the position I am in 3 years on. And in some way, you’re reading this post here on this page because of them, because they’ve inspired me to make sure that others in the same position feel the same support. 

The aftermath 

Having to move back to my home in West Wales after that day has shown me how little support there is for young people that have lost parents. There are long waiting lists, websites with 101 pieces of content that just brush over the reality, and a huge lack of groups for young people to talk to each other and check in. If there is one lesson I’ve learnt it’s that you have no idea how it feels until you’ve had to go through it. This is something that really knocked me when I thought of my friends that had lost parents at school and I never understood the depth of that event for them. 

So I guess this is where I introduce The Dead Parents Club. I know you’ve probably looked at the name and shaken your head in disappointment and if this is the case it’s probably because you don’t understand. For so many of us this is our reality; we are a member of the dead parents club. It’s raw, but it’s our new normal. This group is all about community and building each other up when we need it. Finding that person to lean on, and being the person leant on for others. We don’t use fluffy language and beat around the bush here, we want facts, we want support and we want community. 

In the next few weeks there will be a group chat set up for those people affected to join. The aim of the chat is to allow others to reach out in confidence and meet like minded individuals. We’re also working on getting some dates in the diary for meet ups in the form of brunches, walks and activities to bring everyone together. 

Let’s come together to share the love and memories our parents gave us. If you’re navigating this difficult journey, know that you are not alone. Please, don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to listen, to share your grief, or simply to sit with you in silence. Let’s support one another with compassion and understanding, because healing happens best in love and community. Together, we can carry forward the legacy of those who shaped us, keeping their light alive.

Molly x